she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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