I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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