last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I forget how to act sober
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
