Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
