moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
