wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
