i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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