we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
