So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
