I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
