Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
