your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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