dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize