Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
