I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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