I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
