Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
