She's like a pop up book from hell.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we're so committed to being not committed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
