somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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