Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
