I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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