jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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