I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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