now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
