Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
