so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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