You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
