Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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