Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize