we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
