i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
