My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
