Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
