I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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