This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
