We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
