Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
