You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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