On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
