If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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