Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
