And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
