Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
