I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
