I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize