hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
