This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
