She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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