I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
