You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
