he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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