Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
