from now on my penis is your penis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
