i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
