Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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