one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
