they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
