we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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