Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
