I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're breaking my sexual little heart
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize