why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
