I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
