I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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