my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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