so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
