Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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