Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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