some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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