I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This can only be settled by a dance off.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
