its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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