i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
