judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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