my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
