Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
