I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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