Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
