She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
