It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
