put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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