They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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