I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
