Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize