he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
