so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
