if you like me you must not know who I am
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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