scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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