It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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