Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
