Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
