5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
babies were throwing up all over the place
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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