You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
