Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize