Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
