I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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