there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
