After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
