Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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