So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
