Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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