WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
