omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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