He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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