she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
