Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize