I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He shit in the fireplace
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
